Sunday, 20 October 2013


Prisoner of sheer futility.
Begging and begging to
Be made whole by the
Vision, wisdom, voice of
The "experts." Those who "know."

This past month I have walked, as if with intent, into doors. Shut. I have stumbled past silver-hued door knobs, wondering what  it means to find myself in places where I have had a feeling of being locked-out. Locked-up. It struck me early this morning, that each time I feel as if a door has been closed to me, I have felt the sharp claw of being dismissed. Belittled. Bound up in someone else's misunderstanding, missed-understanding about how being seen and heard means. About what being Sawbonnaed speaks to and from. About how Sawbonna is in fact a precious key which allows us to unlock barred doors that as yet insist that we are not worthy enough to be part of a particular tribe, society, or community. I blushed, momentarily, at the realization that it is at those times of being dismissed that can easily deflect me from Sawbonnaing my very self. And in so doing admit that not only do  I not have to be welcome at every door. But that the unwelcoming is a powerful gift for me to ask why I have chosen to be locked-up in the first place.

The words escaping
These timid fingertips,
Crave a trust that issues
In this unrelenting moment.
I see. I see. I see.
The prison doors are made
Of sweet cool air. And I
Choose to leave.(c) Margot Van Sluytman


  1. That feeling of being locked in or locked out is so familiar. Your writing reminds me we can choose another feeling in order to free our selves...

    1. Thank you for sharing this, Nancy. What I find compelling, and liberating, is that at any moment it is possible, with our choosing, to free ourselves. This is not the same as, "Don't worry be happy," "Everything is great." It is, "I have a choice. I have a voice. I will find a way."